Motivational block.

Well hello there! Been a long time. No posts on here but I am pretty active on IG(@smalltownblackgirl24), twitter(@smalltwnblkgirl), and FB(Smalltownblackgirl). Also I have a video up on my YouTube channel(Smalltownblackgirl24). Please subscribe, follow, and like me on social media! 😁😁

Well without further ado, I want to talk about motivation and ME.
I’ve been wanting to blog and vlog for years. Been in the YouTube loop since like 2008 and am still a chronic YT user. So out of a job at the moment..I’ve got all of this free time and I still can’t find the motivation to do what I love to do or just perfect my craft as far as photography and videography and blogging my life. Have always had a hard time keeping a journal..

I suffer from depression, anxiety, mood disorder, PMDD, PTSD, some BPD, and ADHD. While this is no excuse, these ailments effect my everyday life and the people in it. Lots of internal struggles I deal with. You know like being anxious then getting anxious because I’m anxious then getting depressed because I’m anxious then depressed because I’m depressed that I’m so anxious and slipping into a self loathing state. Usually lasting hours or days. These emotions are much like a washing machine set to spin cycle. Completely overwhelming. Usually by the end of the day after I have had my spin cycle I’m exhausted and because I have anxiety I have adopted insomnia as well on some nights/mornings so therefore I wake up cranky and anxious!! Ugh. The struggle is real.

Motivation tho. Motivation to live life is hard. I’m not going to lie. Having a hard time motivating yourself spills into all parts of life, as it has here and on YouTube. If you’ve ever just sat in an empty quiet room talking to a camera on a tripod recording you’d understand the struggle. It’s very challenging to appear confident in that setting. So right now I’m at a motivational block and my self confident meter is broken. Lol. I’m still very much interested in blogging and vlogging..I’m just at a block.

So to help myself along I have signed up for DBT. Dialectic behavior therapy. This therapy combines cognitive-behavioral techniques for emotion regulation and reality-testing with concepts of distress tolerance, acceptance, and mindful awareness largely derived from Buddhist meditative practice(please google DBT for more info). So far I’ve gone to two classes and I’m loving it! I have social anxiety and opening up to a group is hard but everyone is made to feel really comfortable. According to the path my life was and still is sometimes DBT(along with regular therapy) is a choice I needed to make or I’m not sure if I’d still be alive or will be in the future. If anyone has questions please feel free to ask.
But basically that is my life right now along with editing and recording some videos. I’m hoping that the more skills I learn in DBT and therapy the better I will feel, and I know at that point more content will be flowing out of my easy going, self confident, self motivating ass. 😜



My first WordPress post!!

This is awesome! I am currently writing my first WordPress post! Today is December 30, 2013. Currently I’m living with my lovely boyfriend, his mother, and this wonderfully annoying ass dog named Georgia. Life is good. We are in love. We have our ups and downs like most humans but honestly I feel so amazing to finally be in love with a man that loves me just as much as I love him. He makes me feel like a queen even with the smallest guestures. I feel so unbelivably lucky to know such an amazing person. I feel he is my other half. 🙂

Ok so enough with the gushy stuff…

So in two days it will be January 1, 2014 and I am super excited about this new beginning. I have a lot of things planned for this year and of course I want to live a healthier lifestyle than the year before and of course I want to be a “NEW” person all together!! NOT!! (lol) I do always have a goal to be a better me by the end of the next year. This year I have had some set backs due to a lot of personal issues…but that’s life. Things happen and all I have to do is reflect on what has happened and figure out how I can do things better this up coming year. Gosh I love fresh starts! Everyone needs a to have that reset button hit every now and then.

That’s basically my take on the “New year, new me” mentality at this time of the year. This blog is also apart of my New Years resolution. I’ve always wanted to start a blog. 🙂 So here it is world!